Me

So today I started uni..my first day of orientation..my first day at the place I will be spending the next four years..the place im sure i'll meet many new ppl and have lots of experiences..

I have a mixed bag of emotions to say the least..Im scared of failing because I was never the smart girl I was the girl who studied hard and only ever got the odd A once in a blue moon..Im nervous about starting all this over again like writing an assignment and studying..im excited because everything is all new again and I have missed the learning aspect..im impatient because its still all so confusing and I look forward to when I'll know it all..im also excited because I enjoy education well I enjoyed the bits of early education I did in high school..Change is scary and exciting..

And in regards to my lovely bitchy post the other night it really helped and I am okay..I am sort of at peace you could say..Im not the least bit jealous or comparing myself to your new girlfriend because it really doesnt worry me in that way..i was merely disappointed you couldnt have been honest with me..I do believe that I am over you..I know i will always have a soft spot for you because you were my first love but so much time has passed our relationship feels like a lifetime ago..the cruise was the best because life really goes on and small things arent the end of the world..what happened between us was not my fault and nothing i could of done would of changed it and even if it did it wouldnt of been right..I dont want to see you again though not for now..lets face it we dont live in each others worlds anymore and thats okay..I like it this way..

I love my life right now..I have great friends..Ive made new ones and gotten to know old ones a lot better which is great..I love the newness of uni..I love being carefree..I know im not miss total carefree and I can be uptight but they are just my beliefs and I'll do what I feel is right..I guess im the only one who knows my boundaries and I can push them but i cant break them down just to conform into someone elses idea of 'carefree'..im me and thats okay..

And Im not afraid of falling again..getting hurt is apart of life and it's taught me a lot..I look forward to the day of finding someone who wants to make me their world..

Thank you

Asshole:

"The anus; A jerk; an inappropriately or objectionably mean, inconsiderate, contemptible, obnoxious, intrusive, or rude person" en.wiktionary.org/wiki/asshole

Coward:

"Showing cowardice. Lacking in courage, unacceptably fearful, usually meant with some implication of a lack of consideration for others."http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Cowardly

Bastard:

"(vulgar referring to a man) A contemptible, inconsiderate, overly or arrogantly rude, or spiteful person."

Wanker:

"(UK, Australia, New Zealand, slang, pejorative) An idiot, a stupid, annoying or ineffectual person."

Tosser:

"(UK, slang, pejorative) Someone the speaker doesn't like
That bloke who ripped me off was a right tosser. "

Whats with the definitions? It's because i think your lacking in the brains department..someone who says they dont want to be in a relationship because they dont want to be tied down and then goes and jumps into a relationship with someone from Perth you cheated on me on the contiki with..your a real smart cookie!

Thank you..its all funny how today i actually thought wow im pretty sure im over you..and then tonight i was like wow your a real asshole and im enjoying life so much more now ur not in my life..

So 'babe' while im out having all my single fun..you'll be sitting at home texting your mrs..while im meeting new ppl and having fun that way you'll be sitting back..Your in a relationship and you cant even have regular sex? When im out of one and could have it when i want to? Your a real modern day Einstein!

Just a tip..dont use the lines "Its not you its me" and "I will always love you" because it's been a punch line of many jokes! Grow some balls and tell me the real reason!

Thank you for setting me free and letting me enjoy my life the way i want to for a change!

Coward

You think I dont know..but I do..

Its not that actual event or possible event..its the lying..its the you not telling me when i gave you 10,000 chances to..

I dont believe you didnt tell me because it was better for me not knowing..i think its because you didnt have the guts to..i think its because you didnt want to come to terms with that something that happened i couldnt be blamed for..

True. You didnt want to upset me..you didnt want to watch tears fall from face..you didnt want me to get so angry i'd say something i'd regret..you didnt want me to self doubt myself because "I'll always love you".."its not you its me"..

B U L L S H I T..i believe u didnt want to see all of the above but not for my sake..for your own..you didnt want to watch me fall apart because seeing me upset kills you..

Dont get me wrong here..i am moving on..and believe I am better off with my life now..i just think you owed me honesty..I even asked u after we broke up.."No there's no one else"..LIAR!..im not going to have a confrontation with you about this..im not going to send u an abusive text message or tell all your friends stories about you or even give you some kind of silent treatment if i ever saw you again..

And for anyone reading going why dont u talk to him about it? Because i did..a lot..god..i was so stupid..I knew it i knew it deep down..i knew as soon as i saw a photo when you got back i just knew it..and i chose to ignore it..and why should i give you a chance for a pathetic explanation? you werent brave enough in the first place and i dont have time for cowards..

I do understand that you cant control your feelings..you cant control who you fall for and moving on is apart of it..you just could of had some balls and told me the truth..rather than telling your mates instead..god im a friends sister? No shit i was going to find out..

yes i am angry..but at the same time..im happy..im happy that this helps me realise how i deserve better..how hot and cold you were and how in the long distance future i need someone who loves me a little more and wants me for me and doesnt make me feel guilty about the person i am..

I do believe in karma and one day you will get yours :)

Tragedy

Disaster Zone, emergency, Arson are some common words when you hear when you turn on the news. Its so sad to this this tragedy has struck. This bush fire has been given a rating of 400, do you know what that means? A bushfire with a rating of 100 is considered uncontrollable..

The death toll for the Victoria Bush fires stands at 135 people..

Thats 135 people who's lives ended suddenly..thats 135 families who will never be the same..135 people who didnt expect not to live through 2009..135 people who's lives ended in horror..135 people who im sure have had some kind of impact on someone in their life..one of those 135 people could of been the person to discover a new invention or develop a life altering theory..im sure those 135 people made the world a better place in their own way..

The blaze went through 33,000 hectares destroying at least 750 houses..Thats 750 houses families made their home..750 houses full of memories..750 houses full of hard work. Right now they say 3733 people have registered as homeless..3733 survivors..they survived the horrifying blaze but are left behind some without their family, their friends, their neighbours, their colleagues and their houses..

And to think these fires could be deliberate? Why would someone do this? How could anyone just be so cold in the world..I just read about a man who put his kids in the car and went back to the house to get something and came to see his car on fire with his three kids inside..I havent heard of anything more scary than this..

This makes me look at my own life and how everything that seems a big deal really isnt..a breakup, a betrayal, a kilo gained, a guy who doesnt like me? It really is not the end of the world..my heart goes out to all those families who lost someone that meant the world to them..who lost a home im sure they loved more than anything..who's lives will never be the same..

R.I.P to all the helpless victims in the blaze..

And to the modern day heros..the fire fighters and the volunteers who are battling the blazes..your efforts will never be forgotten..

All the facts are from www.news.com.au

Bye Bye Complicated Hello Care Free

Have you ever wondered what ppl's first impression of you is? Are you pretty? Are you chubby/'built bigger', cute, funny, bitchy, negative, beautiful, cranky or my favourite word this week 'uptight'.

Pretty predictable what im going to say next right? Someones first impression of me was uptight..and a friend of mine who's known me for a while also described me as uptight..At first i was like are you kidding? The girl who will openly say words like 'roasting' and is starting to be labelled the new 'hoe' be uptight..clearly you have the wrong person..

Then as the night went on i realised how right they were..I am uptight..I am so in my ways of whats right and whats wrong I could be missing out on things here? I dont really live in the moment..and dont do what i really want to do..i think too much about the consequences and look at the future rather then the present..something happened that was a once in a moment thing and i didnt do what i wanted to because of what may happen later on..I didnt do what i wanted to do because i may regret it..which sucks..now i regret not doing it..Big example of uptight..

Its boring..it sucks..this complication i have here..im just some kind of nerd in my own life..who doesnt speed..doesnt smoke..doesnt do anything im scared of..saves her money..doesnt argue with her parents..the most fun i have sometimes is when im drunk..because i dont think i just do..and i may do embarrassing things but i have so much fun doing it!

So today ive decided..no more of this shit..its time to start doing things that scare me..and do everything and regret it later..im too young to be old..im too young to think about all the consequences..im too young to say no..

I will be going on a cruise in 12 days..a perfect place for what i need right now..i have a best friend who will remind me of this promise to myself..who when i say im tired or whatever..will say sleep when your dead and your only young once..

So here's to..all the mistakes i may make but all the fun i'll have doing it!