Humans or animals?

Why do women get the short of the stick?..Seriously..

Think about it..we have to pop a little human being out of us one day..we get a monthly best friend which can make us even more bitchy..and we behave a lot like animals sometimes..

Why cant we just get along..why do we have to be so jealous of each other? Jealous of how some other girl has a nicer figure, bigger boobs, nicer hair or even just a better lifestyle..why do when we see a prettier girl think the negative before the positive? Shouldn't this be the other way around?..Instead of being intimidated why can't we all just admire the differences?..Do we just want what we can't have?..

Why do we bitch about our friends? At the end of the day we dont really mean what we say and if they were upset we'd drop everything and go be with them..is it really that once again we're just intimidated and jealous and that is where it all stems from?

Are we really like animals?..Sound stupid but think about it..you know how you see on the discovery channel or wherever that animals fight to the death and the winner gets the mate? (Little unclear if thats the male species)..anyway..is that where this stems from? Our animal instincts?..Do we really just feel every girl is just another competitor? Whether its for the dream man or dream job? I mean lets face it in most girl fights a guy is involved somehow..even if he's just a minor factor and not the reason..

I know there wouldn't be a world where all this would exist and we'd all be peace loving hippies spreading the love..but..i just think its peculiar sometimes how we behave (me included)..

Unwritten

I think at the end of the day we all fear the unknown..some more greatly than others..

Thats the thing about new relationships..the unknown..you dont know each other inside-out yet..you're not so far into it that you can tell what each other is thinking/feeling just by looking at them.."You say it best when you say nothing at all"..Okay mr keaton..how about "You say it best when you say it outloud"? yes?..I do love that song though..

Another fear is history repeating itself..thats what you do know..you do know the sour way things can be which is that giant weight holding you back.."Will not let myself cause my heart so much misery.".."I've learnt the hardway to never let it get that far".."My heart can't possibly break when it wasnt even whole to start with"..

I guess you just risk it hey?..You just..full steam ahead whatever it is you want right?..No matter what it is..just one day at a time.."Today is where ur book begins, the rest is still unwritten"..

good things come to those who wait..

So as my first semester of uni is nearly over..i cant help but to look back at how i was at the start..

I was so nervous about being in this place full of academics which is something I never considered myself as..I was worried i'd be that dumb girl in class who everyone asks what mark she got so they can feel better about theirs..but..that wasnt the case at all..I did better than expected..infact i even did better than some of the brainiacs in my classes!!..People even asked me for help on some things?!I l0ve my course..it's so interesting..and right now i literally can't wait til i go on prac..and even one day be a teacher myself!

My love life was non existent and although i never admitted it, it kind of made me feel scared..the whole uncertainity of it all..but then..i embraced it and told myself that change can be a good thing and you're only young once..i had this attitude til two fridays ago..then..i met a boy..and that changed my perspective..that boy is now my boyfriend and i havent stopped smiling since two fridays ago..

I'm back on team love..

Suprises

Life is full of them hey..

I just did one of those time wasting myspace bulletins..I went to do one friday but i didnt post it coz it was pretty boring..and it was questions like do you see yourself in a relationship in six months and i put something like no way SINGLE LADIES!!

Then..tonight i did a quiz and guess what..the answer was not so certain..all the difference a wkn makes!!

But at the same time..one my closest friends is probably in the same boat but with it around the wrong way..no one saw that coming..it breaks my heart to see things like that..im still team love though..

Well single ladies or not..no matter what happens i've learnt i'll always have my friends! Even when going through heartbreak they can still be happy and excited for you..

Goodbye Romance..Hello Gen Y

Generation Y..according to the media we are the bad ones..we're the ones who will have diseases because we dont care..we're the ones who live with our parents until we're old because we take the easy way out..we're not that smart because we shorten words.. we use technology for everything and we have no respect..I like to think that ppl who form these opinions are just all old and jealous they weren't born in our generation but i'm starting to see they have a good point on some things..

I have to admit im a little disappointed if i've missed some kind of romance generation..I've just been watching some youtube clips of best movie kisses of all time and just makes me wonder does romance only exist in the movies these days? The dating world of today is not really how typically used to be of phone calls, guys paying, opening up car doors etc it's all about who can look less desperate but at the same time interested? Who facebooked who first? How long did you wait to reply? Have you got passed first base? It's so confusing..so many rules?

Leads me to another point..when did it all just become about the bedroom seriously?! Have I missed something here? Just because we're making out does not mean you're about to get lucky because we're adolescents therefore this is how we roll? No thanks..God i've heard the it's just sex it's not a big deal line over and over again..but buddy you missed a few steps here..buying me a drink and saying you look hot is not romance?! I mean it's a good first start but it's not near the finish line! Far from it..I don't like this..it's not much fun..i'm getting tired of having the same argument and it even makes me think i'll just give in so i can stop having this argument..but..fuck off..i'm not conforming into this stereotype just so you can get laid and never speak to me again?! ROMANCE PLEASE?!..

I do realise that I am generalising and yes there are some guys i'm sure who are romantics or whatever..sure..but..it's like one of those shit statistics like one in 5 or something and my luck i just keep getting the four other retards..bring on the prince..

Maybe I just like to believe every princess has a prince and there is always a great love story out there waiting to happen just like in the movies..you've always got to have hope right?!

Want..Doing?

You know its bad sign when your assignment is about why you want to be a teacher and you're having trouble..

I sort of know why I want to be a teacher but at of the day i dont know for sure..at the moment I like the idea of being a teacher and think i'd be good at it..Well hope i'd be good at it..

Its more appealing to me then a desk job..i wasnt really good at that..i was good at answering the phone but that was the social easy part of it all..

But i find myself wondering do we ever know what we want? I mean..how do you really know? Are we meant to know? When are we meant to know? Will we 'just' know?

And sometimes when you get what you want it makes you realise you really didnt want it in the first place..

I think I want to be a teacher..but i dont know..Im fairly confident i do but not 100%..nearly everyone i've told that im doing education say i'd be good at it (most ppl say its coz i can be bossy..bitches)..

So to anyone..how did you know you wanted to do something?? Any signs??

Every day above the ground is a good day

I am alive..thats how I want to start off..

I heard some bad news yesterday about a family friend..devastating news..

What would you do if you were told you had 12 months left to live? Would you be happy with your life so far? Would you be comfortable with the time you've spent on this earth? Would you finally do that the things I want to do before i die list? Would you live everyday to the craziest and fullest? Or would you just spend it with your friends and family?

I dont know how i'd feel..I worry too much about what ppl think..i'd love to just break free of the worry and just do what i want to and say what i feel..i never want to hurt ppls feelings so i hold things in..when i really want to say your being an idiot or what the fuck are you doing..i just stand back and nod because i dont want to upset someone..I dont express all of my opinions because i dont want to be labelled as a bitch..I dont send the angry text messages when im upset because i dont want to cause more conflict so ppl never really understand how I feel..im having one of those no one really knows me days..

But this all does not matter..while im wondering about this crap ppl are going through hell when i have the world at my feet..How can we make this world a better place? I want to be a teacher because i feel its somehow my way of helping..I aim to be one of those great teachers the ones you talk about who made the classroom fun..I want to help kids who struggle..i want to make an impact on someones life to make their world a better place..

yes i am aware im starting to sound like a beauty queen smiling and saying 'world peace' but thats not it..i understand that the world will never be that way..Its like from a walk to remember "without suffering there would be no compassion"..

Anyways..to my family friend..my thoughts are with you and your family in probably the worst time of your lives..May miracles come your way!

Letter

Dear Adam,

I have some things i want to ask.

Do you love her the way you loved me?
Do you think she's prettier than me?
Do you think she's smarter than me?
Do you find her more attractive?
Does she make you laugh like how i used to?
Does she call you before bed, in the sheets just to say goodnight and hear your voice?
Does she give you a free ticket to the roar soccer game and go with you even though she hates it but does it because you love it?
Does she buy you concert tickets to a band she hates?
Do you have more in common with her than you did with me?
Is there more chemistry between the two of you then there was with us?
Do your parents like her more?
Do your friends like her more?
Does anyone ask how im doing to you?
Does your family miss me?
Do you miss me?
Do you even think about me?
Do you even care?
What happened?
Why did you do this?
Why did you not even give me an explanation?

Katie.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay so..the last couple of days all i can think about is a relationship. I dont know what brought it on..but its stuck in my head..I dont know where im at anymore..i dont know what being over someone is? I really was doing so well until a couple of days ago..but although everything ive said..i dont miss you as a person..i dont miss little things about you..i dont miss it all..i miss who i was when i was with you..i miss how happy i was..i miss being cuddled..i miss having someone telling me they loved me..i miss having someone i could call when i was scared..someone who always said to me "babe the sun will still come up tomorrow..of course i love you and your gorgeous"..i miss feeling complete..i miss my safety net..

Me

So today I started uni..my first day of orientation..my first day at the place I will be spending the next four years..the place im sure i'll meet many new ppl and have lots of experiences..

I have a mixed bag of emotions to say the least..Im scared of failing because I was never the smart girl I was the girl who studied hard and only ever got the odd A once in a blue moon..Im nervous about starting all this over again like writing an assignment and studying..im excited because everything is all new again and I have missed the learning aspect..im impatient because its still all so confusing and I look forward to when I'll know it all..im also excited because I enjoy education well I enjoyed the bits of early education I did in high school..Change is scary and exciting..

And in regards to my lovely bitchy post the other night it really helped and I am okay..I am sort of at peace you could say..Im not the least bit jealous or comparing myself to your new girlfriend because it really doesnt worry me in that way..i was merely disappointed you couldnt have been honest with me..I do believe that I am over you..I know i will always have a soft spot for you because you were my first love but so much time has passed our relationship feels like a lifetime ago..the cruise was the best because life really goes on and small things arent the end of the world..what happened between us was not my fault and nothing i could of done would of changed it and even if it did it wouldnt of been right..I dont want to see you again though not for now..lets face it we dont live in each others worlds anymore and thats okay..I like it this way..

I love my life right now..I have great friends..Ive made new ones and gotten to know old ones a lot better which is great..I love the newness of uni..I love being carefree..I know im not miss total carefree and I can be uptight but they are just my beliefs and I'll do what I feel is right..I guess im the only one who knows my boundaries and I can push them but i cant break them down just to conform into someone elses idea of 'carefree'..im me and thats okay..

And Im not afraid of falling again..getting hurt is apart of life and it's taught me a lot..I look forward to the day of finding someone who wants to make me their world..

Thank you

Asshole:

"The anus; A jerk; an inappropriately or objectionably mean, inconsiderate, contemptible, obnoxious, intrusive, or rude person" en.wiktionary.org/wiki/asshole

Coward:

"Showing cowardice. Lacking in courage, unacceptably fearful, usually meant with some implication of a lack of consideration for others."http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Cowardly

Bastard:

"(vulgar referring to a man) A contemptible, inconsiderate, overly or arrogantly rude, or spiteful person."

Wanker:

"(UK, Australia, New Zealand, slang, pejorative) An idiot, a stupid, annoying or ineffectual person."

Tosser:

"(UK, slang, pejorative) Someone the speaker doesn't like
That bloke who ripped me off was a right tosser. "

Whats with the definitions? It's because i think your lacking in the brains department..someone who says they dont want to be in a relationship because they dont want to be tied down and then goes and jumps into a relationship with someone from Perth you cheated on me on the contiki with..your a real smart cookie!

Thank you..its all funny how today i actually thought wow im pretty sure im over you..and then tonight i was like wow your a real asshole and im enjoying life so much more now ur not in my life..

So 'babe' while im out having all my single fun..you'll be sitting at home texting your mrs..while im meeting new ppl and having fun that way you'll be sitting back..Your in a relationship and you cant even have regular sex? When im out of one and could have it when i want to? Your a real modern day Einstein!

Just a tip..dont use the lines "Its not you its me" and "I will always love you" because it's been a punch line of many jokes! Grow some balls and tell me the real reason!

Thank you for setting me free and letting me enjoy my life the way i want to for a change!

Coward

You think I dont know..but I do..

Its not that actual event or possible event..its the lying..its the you not telling me when i gave you 10,000 chances to..

I dont believe you didnt tell me because it was better for me not knowing..i think its because you didnt have the guts to..i think its because you didnt want to come to terms with that something that happened i couldnt be blamed for..

True. You didnt want to upset me..you didnt want to watch tears fall from face..you didnt want me to get so angry i'd say something i'd regret..you didnt want me to self doubt myself because "I'll always love you".."its not you its me"..

B U L L S H I T..i believe u didnt want to see all of the above but not for my sake..for your own..you didnt want to watch me fall apart because seeing me upset kills you..

Dont get me wrong here..i am moving on..and believe I am better off with my life now..i just think you owed me honesty..I even asked u after we broke up.."No there's no one else"..LIAR!..im not going to have a confrontation with you about this..im not going to send u an abusive text message or tell all your friends stories about you or even give you some kind of silent treatment if i ever saw you again..

And for anyone reading going why dont u talk to him about it? Because i did..a lot..god..i was so stupid..I knew it i knew it deep down..i knew as soon as i saw a photo when you got back i just knew it..and i chose to ignore it..and why should i give you a chance for a pathetic explanation? you werent brave enough in the first place and i dont have time for cowards..

I do understand that you cant control your feelings..you cant control who you fall for and moving on is apart of it..you just could of had some balls and told me the truth..rather than telling your mates instead..god im a friends sister? No shit i was going to find out..

yes i am angry..but at the same time..im happy..im happy that this helps me realise how i deserve better..how hot and cold you were and how in the long distance future i need someone who loves me a little more and wants me for me and doesnt make me feel guilty about the person i am..

I do believe in karma and one day you will get yours :)

Tragedy

Disaster Zone, emergency, Arson are some common words when you hear when you turn on the news. Its so sad to this this tragedy has struck. This bush fire has been given a rating of 400, do you know what that means? A bushfire with a rating of 100 is considered uncontrollable..

The death toll for the Victoria Bush fires stands at 135 people..

Thats 135 people who's lives ended suddenly..thats 135 families who will never be the same..135 people who didnt expect not to live through 2009..135 people who's lives ended in horror..135 people who im sure have had some kind of impact on someone in their life..one of those 135 people could of been the person to discover a new invention or develop a life altering theory..im sure those 135 people made the world a better place in their own way..

The blaze went through 33,000 hectares destroying at least 750 houses..Thats 750 houses families made their home..750 houses full of memories..750 houses full of hard work. Right now they say 3733 people have registered as homeless..3733 survivors..they survived the horrifying blaze but are left behind some without their family, their friends, their neighbours, their colleagues and their houses..

And to think these fires could be deliberate? Why would someone do this? How could anyone just be so cold in the world..I just read about a man who put his kids in the car and went back to the house to get something and came to see his car on fire with his three kids inside..I havent heard of anything more scary than this..

This makes me look at my own life and how everything that seems a big deal really isnt..a breakup, a betrayal, a kilo gained, a guy who doesnt like me? It really is not the end of the world..my heart goes out to all those families who lost someone that meant the world to them..who lost a home im sure they loved more than anything..who's lives will never be the same..

R.I.P to all the helpless victims in the blaze..

And to the modern day heros..the fire fighters and the volunteers who are battling the blazes..your efforts will never be forgotten..

All the facts are from www.news.com.au

Bye Bye Complicated Hello Care Free

Have you ever wondered what ppl's first impression of you is? Are you pretty? Are you chubby/'built bigger', cute, funny, bitchy, negative, beautiful, cranky or my favourite word this week 'uptight'.

Pretty predictable what im going to say next right? Someones first impression of me was uptight..and a friend of mine who's known me for a while also described me as uptight..At first i was like are you kidding? The girl who will openly say words like 'roasting' and is starting to be labelled the new 'hoe' be uptight..clearly you have the wrong person..

Then as the night went on i realised how right they were..I am uptight..I am so in my ways of whats right and whats wrong I could be missing out on things here? I dont really live in the moment..and dont do what i really want to do..i think too much about the consequences and look at the future rather then the present..something happened that was a once in a moment thing and i didnt do what i wanted to because of what may happen later on..I didnt do what i wanted to do because i may regret it..which sucks..now i regret not doing it..Big example of uptight..

Its boring..it sucks..this complication i have here..im just some kind of nerd in my own life..who doesnt speed..doesnt smoke..doesnt do anything im scared of..saves her money..doesnt argue with her parents..the most fun i have sometimes is when im drunk..because i dont think i just do..and i may do embarrassing things but i have so much fun doing it!

So today ive decided..no more of this shit..its time to start doing things that scare me..and do everything and regret it later..im too young to be old..im too young to think about all the consequences..im too young to say no..

I will be going on a cruise in 12 days..a perfect place for what i need right now..i have a best friend who will remind me of this promise to myself..who when i say im tired or whatever..will say sleep when your dead and your only young once..

So here's to..all the mistakes i may make but all the fun i'll have doing it!

Relationship vs friendship

Which is better and why do they always seem to collide?

Nobody seems to win..it ultimately ends up one or the other and occasionally both..things get serious and you fall in love and just want to be with that person always..and your friends feel like they are being left behind and second best..this may not have been my relationship but mine didnt work out and i always think if i had of paid more attention to my relationship i'd still be in it..not that i'd trade my friendships..see the dilemma? it seems to just be one or the other..

Maybe it all comes down to jealously? Jealously of someone having something you dont? Jealous that a friend thinks higher of someone else?

Maybe its just change..not everybody likes change. When a friend starts being around less it becomes harder to find someone to talk to..have fun with and just be there?

Maybe its fear?..The fear of losing someone? Losing a friend..losing the security of having someone that is always available when your upset..

But whats worth it in the end? Your with someone who loves you and ultimately becomes your best friend..the person who knows you inside out and you can vent to..

People just surprise you..when you think you can trust them they go and prove you cant..in friendships and in love..when you think you have someone you can confide in they prove you cant..when you give someone your heart they give it back..or shatter it..

so basically..i think ur dammed if you do and ur damned if you dont..you cant just live in a cave because ppl will treat you like dirt from time to time..thats the game of life and its shit sometimes..you can just learn from your mistakes and not make them twice..

Different Life

Last night i was walking through the city..walking up a hill i used to walk up everyday for work..walked passed somewhere we used to always meet for lunch..

feels like i have this different life to 3 months ago..I had a full time job..boyfriend and everything really was just easiar back then.. not saying my life is shit now a days..i prefer this casual working life..i cant wait to uni..even being single is nice..its nice just to worry about myself for a change..

i was just more comfortable with my old life..

Charlies Angels 3

Im sooooooooooo excited to just read its in the works..

according to Perez Hilton there may even be talks of a fourth angel..

Yayyyyy!

I fly

Funny Story..

An older man came into work tonight..he has this accent its sort of..french/croation if u can imagine that..and he always asks me if im getting to married..(seriously every time he comes through my register)..and the answer is always no..(obviously)..he's not hitting on me and he's no creep hes just friendly..

Tonight he goes to me "Katieeeee are you married yet"
"No im not."
"Whyyy not?"
"Im just not."
"But why? You have serious boyfriend yes?"
"No we just broke up"
"Aww..so sorry to hear..oh well just be careful..all boys they just want one thing"
"Yeah thats true"
"But thats okay..when your ready you can present yourself to one and you know what you say?
I fly virgin airways"

LMAO..can you imagine a customer saying this to you? Awkward..

Grateful..

Life is pretty interesting hey..always expect the unexpected..

so ive been going through this stage thinking no one wants me..then today at work i found out i could of been up for a big promotion..biggest for someone my age..and although i wont take it because of uni just being considered was great..

And i finalised all my uni stuff today and i just cant wait to start..start this new..chapter i guess? (not stealing your stuff laura i swear)..Im happy with the way my life has worked out..I feel im more ready for uni then i would of been last year..more mature in some kind of way..last year i probably would of blown things off and gone out too much where this year i know what the party and working full time life is..

I finally sent the message i'd been wanting to send for a while..to you to catch up and start the just friends part..and it felt really good..i miss our friendship and im excited to start that..things in hindsight happened for the best..it had been coming for a little while and its good that one of us didnt end up doing something that would destroy the friendship..so im grateful for that..

In fact I have a lot to be grateful for..

One more thing..

Thanks to my beautiful friends who can always make me smile!

Inspiring

Some quotes that inspire me -

"The most decisive actions of our life ... are most often unconsidered actions." André Gide

"Love life and life will love you back. Love people and they will love you back." Arthur Rubinstein

"Love the moment. Flowers grow out of dark moments. Therefore, each moment is vital. It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each, is to succeed." Corita Kent

These three really stand out for me all in different ways..

I really like the last one the part where it says flowers grow out of dark moments..something good can arise from something bad..the dark parts will make the bright parts so much more rewarding..

Seconds

Warning : Emo

I dont like being someones second. I dont like being the "friend". I dont like that ppl come over just to ask me if my friend has a boyfriend. Im tired of being the second choice. Im tired of only being the person to hang out with if you have no one else. Im tired of feeling second best.

What hurts the most? You were the first person to see me for me..before my friends and even love me the most after..and you didnt want me anymore..

I want to be someones number one.

Best Friends

"Make new friends, but keep the old; Those are silver, these are gold. New-made friendships, like new wine, Age will mellow and refine. Friendships that have stood the test -Time and change - are surely best; Brow may wrinkle, hair grow gray, Friendship never knows decay. For 'mid old friends, tried and true, Once more we our youth renew. But old friends, alas! may die, New friends must their place supply. Cherish friendship in your breast-New is good, but old is best; Make new friends, but keep the old; Those are silver, these are gold." Joseph Parry

Im learning that this is true..I just had a fight with my oldest best friend and we were both so angry..we were both in the frame of mind of not talking for a long time..said things which hurt each other..but you know what?..we can make it up and let it all go..we can say sorry and just laugh..we can dance together all night and keep saying i love you i miss you..because thats just us..we're not perfect and we know that every now and then

Friendships are funny things..its strange how even though someone is so close to you its easy to be so jealous of them and resent them for things they have and you dont..but then one day you just think what the fuck am i doing?

Friends dont judge but you avoid them all the same because they will be honest..its like in sex and the city the movie..where samantha gets fat and avoids mirrors and then comes back to her friends and they were the three mirrors she couldnt avoid..(yes sex and the city is my life)..we avoid the wake up call and the lecture we know thats coming when we tell them something that not even we want to say out loud..something we know deep down is wrong but settle anyway.

On the topic of friendships..im the only single one and you know what? Thats okay! Really..i have my best friend..I have good health..i have good ppl in my life..and i just got into the uni course i want! Dare I say im going places in life?

"My Zen teacher also said the only way to true happiness is to live in the moment and not be worried about the future". Carrie Sex and the City

AMEN!

p.s I love Someday Soon by natalie bassingthwaighte..its a good one..

Learning

So the more im getting into the single life the more i look back on things i did wrong..things i shouldnt of apologised for..things i shouldnt of sacraficed to make you happy..

Basically i'd like to put it out there to ppl that you should never sacrafice or apologise for things you dont believe so..dont put your happiness aside for someone elses because in the end its never enough and hurts you more..

i get it that all my posts are all about my break up and im probably being a little more dramatic but..this is somewhere i can say all these things without someone saying "all you talk about is adam"..this is somewhere i can say things without eyes rolling or me wondering am i talking about it too much?

All considered i think im doing well..i even consider myself..happy? Im not over the moon..but i am enjoying the single life..bring on the wkn!

Confidence

Its something i dont understand..

We only feel confident if someone tells us how good we look or shows a bit of interest..and when no one shows us any attention we wonder whats wrong with us and why no one wants us..

We lose all confidence in situations where we're interested in someone yet that person is interested in someone else especially a friend..

It makes no sense that self confidence feels like it comes from other people..yet when we get to 40 we look back and go i looked so much better than why did i worry so much about what other people think?

I'd like to let go and stop worrying..

New Years

New Years..its a time to party..its a time to make new resolutions..an excuse to drink too much and a time to be around the ppl you love..a time to let go of 2008 and welcome 2009..

Im not too big on new years resolutions..i dont really see the point like if you want to quit smoking or lose weight you could make that resolution anyday..but in saying that i do have things i want to do in 09 and i have set myself some goals..these goals are ones i've always had and that will just take place in 2009 like seeing out a semester of uni etc..

Everything happens for a reason..This is true..i just watched some alarming videos and watching them was a real eye opener..that what happened was for the best..

I also had a good new years..unexpectedly good so a big thank you to the ppl who made it good!

Incase you hadnt heard on nova the top song was my people by the presets..that song describes my year in 2008..the thing that stands out most for me is not the break up, the job, the accident it was the four friends i've made..they are so special to me and they made 2008 great!

Happy new years!